Target: Chris Eubank

Somebody, please, run him over when he's out on his Harley. Preferably with a lorry. Thanks. (My words; nominated by Stef H)

Target: Diane Abbott

Even she thinks she's a hypocrite. What she doesn't know is, she's not really that clever or insightful either. (Moore F)

Target: Delia Smith

Smug bitch. Her muffin recipe doesn't work. And far too much zest in everything. 45 minutes at Gas Mark 6 should do the job nicely. (Stef H and Rani C)

Target: The entire BNP

Dressing up as serious political debate that which is actually mindless thugishness and testosterone-fuelled racism. And now they've got a record label. A national embarrassment. Wankers.

Target: Jodie Marsh

She's both ugly and stupid, and takes up valuable column inches and airtime which could much better be filled with images of, ooh, shall we say Jaime Murray?